in The Momma Writes

I Don’t Hate Being a Mother, I Just Miss Being Me

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i-dont-hate-being-a-mother-i-just-miss-being-me

Do you ever had that feeling of wanting to explode? Was there a time when you found yourself crying for no reason at all? Do you often spend extra minutes in the bathroom for some peace and quiet, and pretend there’s no chaos when you go outside? Do you purposely sleep late at night for some “alone and just me” time? 

I say YES in all of those questions. In fact, this happens to me most of the time. 

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE MY KIDS. I enjoy being a mother and I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything in the world. There are just moments when I just want to be alone, when I long for quiet moments, when I find myself staring blankly at the wall – daydreaming, when I wish that for five minutes, no one will call me about the mess upstairs or telling me that she’s hungry. 

“Don’t you like your life? Don’t you like being a mother?,” my husband asked. 

Of course I like my life. Of course I like being a mother. 

“What’s wrong? Why do you look so stressed and angry all the time?,” he asked again. 

I am not a robot. I get tired too, and with everything that’s going on everyday, all I need is some time to help me remember what it’s like before I became a mother. 

Everyday, I just crave for some me time – a time where I can focus on myself, read a book I actually like, do something with no one screaming in the background, or just sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee (yes, I drink coffee at night too).

I spend 18 hours of my day with the kids, doing never-ending chores, picking up the toys that managed to escape from their respective boxes, and working that I start to forget the things I want and make me happy. To be honest, I enjoy quiet moments at night when everyone is sleeping and it makes me feel good when I am able to tend to my newfound hobbies with no one bothering me.

I don’t hate being a mother. I just miss being me.

I need time to be me, even for a few minutes, so I can get back, full battle gear on as I face the chaos (and fun) in this so-called world of motherhood. 

I need to remember how to be me, because aside from being a mother, I play different roles too, and I don’t want to forget that. 

I want to get back to being me so I can start feeling good about myself, which makes me not just a better mother but also a better person. 

I don’t need an entire day for this. A few minutes or even an hour is enough. 

Is that too much to ask? 

Ayi

A former law student turned stay-at-home mom of two. Join me and read my adventures as I go through this crazy world called parenting and mommy-hood.

30 Comments

  1. Clint Mamuri

    If this is the case, I guess you should have ample time for yourself. Try doing things that you miss doing. Then the next time, do it with your kids. Or maybe, you need to explore and change the routine?

    I hope you feel better inside soon. Hugs!

    17 . Feb . 2017
    • Ayi

      Hi Clint,

      Thanks for dropping by and for those kind words πŸ™‚ Yes, I am currently exploring new hobbies now to break off the routine. So hard to get some quiet time when kids are running around, which is why I often stay up late at night :))

      17 . Feb . 2017
  2. Michi (@michisolee)

    Reading your post reminds of my old post when I was looking for a day off. hehehe! Good thing that I can go out now with my friends, breakfast meal nga lang lagi habang nasa school anak ko. Mothers need a break too.

    01 . Mar . 2017
    • Ayi

      I actually make use of the “waiting time” while my daughter is in school. Kwentuhan din with fellow mommies πŸ™‚

      01 . Mar . 2017
  3. Jenelyn Palogod-UboΓ±gen

    I say yes to all too! Pag nasa school yung son ko, dapat review day ko yun for my upcoming exam, pero minsan I dedicate few hours for myself, bahala na magcram ako magreview sa gabi (pag tulog na sila), pero at least nakapagrelax ako kahit papano. Lately, nagaaddult coloring book ako,(habang kumakain ng chichirya!) hehe. I guess it helps πŸ˜‰

    02 . Mar . 2017
  4. mumwrites (@vixquips)

    No matter how wonderful and life-changing motherhood is, it can also take its toll on our individuality. That is why it is a must that we also nurture our own self while we nurture our family. Burn out and stress comes when we get too preoccupied with taking care of the well-being of others while we set aside our very own well-being. It is a must that we strive to do things that once matter to us or excites us, whatever activity that might be. Having pocket me-times goes a long way in becoming a better person and a better mum to our children.

    02 . Mar . 2017
  5. Emiliana Limlengco Sison

    When my kid is at school, I use the time to relax and do “personal things” I love. Like you, I do experience “burning out” sometimes and so I recharge when given the opportunity.

    03 . Mar . 2017
  6. Patricia Cuyugan

    I totally feel you. I went through a phase like this also when my son was younger, and I first started staying at home full time. It’s one of the reasons why I’m really apprehensive about having any more kids. I always say, I’ve finally gotten my life back. I don’t know if I can ever go back. Sounds selfish, but I’m just being real. Hang in there! And don’t lose sight of YOU. The little moments count. In time, you’ll get your life back, too. Trust me. Hugs.

    04 . Mar . 2017
  7. nocturnalmomtalks

    We all get too tired that’s why it’s important that we take care of ourselves as well. Sometimes I think, kung hindi siguro ako maaga nagkapamilya, maybe I could do the things I’ve been wanting to do. Don’t get me wrong, I am where I’m supposed to be. I know this is all according to Lord’s plan. Pero dahil tao ka lang, di maiwasan magisip. Hugs, mommy! Keep writing and find other hobbies, date with your husband and treat yourself πŸ™‚

    05 . Mar . 2017
  8. Mommy Levy

    This is the reason why I go out with friends or go to blogging events at least once a week. I need to do other things beside my daily routine once in a while.

    05 . Mar . 2017
  9. Nini Perez

    Honestly, when I got pregnant, I sort of expected the lack of alone time already. I tried a me-time once and went out with some friends for merienda. I only missed my boy terribly. But yes, when my husband comes home from work, I spend a few extra minutes in the shower. During weekday mornings, I ask him to take our son with him for just an hour so I can sleep any way I want to. I’m breastfeeding so normally, it’s sideways for me, and I really really wanna lay down on my belly. And another yes for staying up late just to have some quiet time doing things I wanna do alone like blog or read. Hang in there! πŸ™‚

    05 . Mar . 2017
  10. Peachy @ The Peach Kitchen

    I can so relate as I have times like when I would want to pull out my hair and go crazy. Now I learned how to have a “ME” time so I can recharge myself and take better care of my family. You should relax sometimes and have your Me time.

    05 . Mar . 2017
  11. mommy n' more (@mommymadz)

    This reminds me of a similar article on Huffington post about a mom who feels divided by motherhood and her old self. I think it’s great that you’re carving off time in your busy life as a mom to do something you love. You deserve it. Maybe you can ask help from loved ones to take care of your kids even for just a few hours so you can have me time. For me, blogging is already doing something love. I’d be lucky to have some time to crochet or draw.

    05 . Mar . 2017
  12. Mommy Queenelizabeth

    I think every mom experience this once an a while. What i do is i go out with friends. Hang out for a while, watch a movie alone and go the spa. Me time is very crucial so as not to get burnt out..

    05 . Mar . 2017
  13. momi berlin

    Yes!

    There was a time I told my friend how I.wish I be confined in a hospital. I just want to rest and sleep.all day without worrying much. Plus I have a nurse.to take care of my needs and my boys will be out of sight. Not that I hate them, I just want my time.

    Then she laughed at my idea and reminded me there are hotels where I could stay and relax even for a night. Oo nga naman.

    But seriously, how I wish I could have a decent me time talaga.

    05 . Mar . 2017
  14. lifestylebyabby

    I know exactly how you feel. I have one toddler and I’m a stay home/work at home mom so 12-18hrs of my time with my kid too. Been Yaya-less for 3 months also. We really need some time alone although it seems almost impossible. How about leaving the kids with their grandparents even for just 8hrs? Get a mani pedi, a little shopping, and read a nice book. I’m sure you’ll be recharged!

    05 . Mar . 2017
  15. KoraiAmaya

    Hang in there! Youll get through this. Mommas need restdays too. πŸ˜‚

    05 . Mar . 2017
  16. Ma.Me.Mi.Mommy

    I actually savor the idle time that I have when I have to wait for the kids in school. It’s a few hours of me time without them and I get some peace and quiet to myself. I think we all need a time like that to recharge and do our own happy stuff. Hugs!

    06 . Mar . 2017
  17. Claire Santiago

    I guess, we all feel that at times, especially when you are really hands on on everything inside the house – no yayas or maids – all the responsibilities are in your hands. This is why the members of our family should understand the importance of me-time in our life. We are human we get burn, we got torn, we get lost, we get tired sometimes, but at the end of the day, we get up and go back to the things that really matters to us…

    06 . Mar . 2017
  18. Rowena Wendy Lei ζž—ιœ²θ–‡ (@animetric)

    I can relate, this is esp true if the kids are still very young. My kids are already in their teens and very independent. I miss their younger days so it’s kind of the opposite for me.

    06 . Mar . 2017
  19. May De Jesus-Palacpac

    I value my lone time which I don’t get very often. On Sundays, my husband whisks the kids to church to attend the kids services while he works (I attend the Saturday services so I can have my quiet Sundays). That’s my weekly lone time.

    Sometimes I do miss the good old days, but I guess I was older when I had kids and have really lived out my youth, so I am more emotionally prepared for it than my younger counterparts. I think my temper comes out only because of my hormonal imbalances na hahaha. Comes with age.

    06 . Mar . 2017
  20. Bernadette Siazon

    We definitely need some time alone and away from our kids. My husband and I is in rotation when it comes to doing some activities or going out with our friends. You know what, I love going to the grocery because that’s the time I can roam aimlessly without the husband and my daughter πŸ™‚

    06 . Mar . 2017
  21. den

    I know how you feel. A few weeks back I would sleep at 1 or 2AM just because I am up watching series. That was the only me time I had, and it helped me feel good to spend some time doing just what I want. I think we all need a break every now and then, to restart, to recharge.

    06 . Mar . 2017
  22. Janice

    Being a mom is really hard and it’s so easy to be consumed by everything we have to do for our family. You need to take a step back though to see how you can carve out some time for yourself. As a mom of 4, I don’t get out by myself a lot. In fact, hardly ever. But I make sure that I do something enjoyable for myself each day. It can be done. πŸ™‚

    06 . Mar . 2017
  23. Maria Teresa Gregorio-Figuerres

    I share your sentiments, and I’ve been telling myself I’d get a me-time soon but it hasn’t really happened. Just like you, I really need to recharge.

    06 . Mar . 2017
  24. TweenselMom

    No matter what you are going through right now, all these will come to pass. Enjoy your time na maliit pa ang baby mo. You will always be you but your child will just be there for a moment.

    06 . Mar . 2017
  25. jemalvarado

    I can relate. It’s a yes for me too. Sometimes we burnout that’s why it is important to have a Me-time and of course a treat from husband.

    07 . Mar . 2017
  26. Anna β€œMommy Anna” Plaida

    I can relate, I am a working mom and I need to attend all the needs of my son, husband and my family and sometimes I’m screaming for a “me time”. but when I am alone I miss them so much πŸ™‚

    08 . Mar . 2017
  27. Edel San

    I’ve discovered the joys of having lots of me time when my daughter was in pre-school and grade school. Actually, it was a joint discovery with my fellow mommies in school and we still do that till now. It is so nice to talk and do other stuff instead of just kids and family matters.

    11 . Mar . 2017
  28. Mayu

    I hope blogging helps you have your me time. This is also my way of releasing stress – as I get to write/type everything and anything I want. It’s not too much to ask, it’s our right actually. Hang in there!

    18 . Mar . 2017

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