I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer ever since I could remember. Growing up in a family of lawyers, I thought being a lawyer is written in my destiny – and there’s nothing else I can be.
Unfortunately not.
After college, I didn’t pass any of the entrance exams I took in 3 different law schools. Call me stupid but I do feel it’s not yet my time. I was too naive and immature and I didn’t realize (yet) the implications of my actions. Two years after and much wiser and more mature this time, I decided to try again. This time I passed. It wasn’t my original first choice but it’s good enough to give me another shot. First year passed by so quickly and truly, I learned a lot in studying the Law.
Then I found out I was pregnant that summer. To be honest, I wasn’t so happy about it. I wanted my life with no responsibilities and all I have to worry is the recitation with a terror professor the next day. But I couldn’t bear losing an innocent child just because of my actions.
Pregnancy was difficult but I did learn a lot. I filed a leave of absence for a year and focused on myself, the baby and the whole pregnancy. Being a mom kicked in naturally and the feeling of regret and sadness faded quickly. I was so excited buying baby stuff, more so when I gave birth. Holding my little angel for the first time is an incomparable feeling.
My little angel.
But I decided to go back to school on May the following year. I missed everything about law school – recitation, cases, exams, tough professors and even my classmates. It’s like I never left, except that I am one year delayed. After two terms, I found out I was pregnant again. Contraceptives didn’t work this time but like what I did on my first, I decided to keep it. Again, I don’t want to penalize someone for my actions. Of course my husband was happy about it and said that every baby is a blessing. I just can’t bear the though of losing it again, leaving law school.
My precious little one
But I did. I quit law school. I put my children first over my dream. I guess that’s the essence of being a mother: kids will always be the main priority. And being a mom is also about making sacrifices for the kids’ sake, no matter how passionate you are about something you really love. It’s about giving up a certain part of yourself to make sure that your kids and their needs will go first.
And now, I am a certified full time mom of two adorable kids. I make sure I attend to all their needs and I am at my happiest state every time I witness their milestones. Of course, there will be occasional tantrums and shouting and crying that gives me a headache but I will never exchange those with the feeling of happiness and fulfillment they give me. All the sacrifices I made are worth it.
Do I have regrets?
No. But I won’t deny the fact that I do miss school. It’s still my dream to be a lawyer but I guess it’s not really for me. I may come back but probably after a few years, when my kids are big enough. Maybe there are other plans, I really don’t know. But whatever it is, I wouldn’t exchange my two precious angels for anything. They are my life now 🙂
Ayi is a stay-at-home mom of two. When her kids are in their best state, she keeps up with chores, work, and ensuring that her sanity is intact. Join her as she navigates through this rollercoaster ride called motherhood.
Reblogged this on My Indecisive Journey and commented:
The honesty, strength, and love is amazing.