On Quitting Law School and Being a Full-time Mom
I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer ever since I could remember. Growing up in a family of lawyers, I thought being a lawyer is written in my destiny – and there’s nothing else I can be.
After college, I didn’t pass any of the entrance exams I took in 3 different law schools. Call me stupid but I do feel it’s not yet my time. I was too naive and immature and I didn’t realize (yet) the implications of my actions. Two years after and much wiser and more mature this time, I decided to try again. This time I passed. It wasn’t my original first choice but it’s good enough to give me another shot. First year passed by so quickly and truly, I learned a lot in studying the Law.
Then I found out I was pregnant that summer. To be honest, I wasn’t so happy about it. I wanted my life with no responsibilities and all I have to worry is the recitation with a terror professor the next day. But I couldn’t bear losing an innocent child just because of my actions.
Pregnancy was difficult but I did learn a lot. I filed a leave of absence for a year and focused on myself, the baby and the whole pregnancy. Being a mom kicked in naturally and the feeling of regret and sadness faded quickly. I was so excited buying baby stuff, more so when I gave birth. Holding my little angel for the first time is an incomparable feeling.
But I decided to go back to school on May the following year. I missed everything about law school – recitation, cases, exams, tough professors and even my classmates. It’s like I never left, except that I am one year delayed. After two terms, I found out I was pregnant again. Contraceptives didn’t work this time but like what I did on my first, I decided to keep it. Again, I don’t want to penalize someone for my actions. Of course my husband was happy about it and said that every baby is a blessing. I just can’t bear the though of losing it again, leaving law school.
But I did. I quit law school. I put my children first over my dream. I guess that’s the essence of being a mother: kids will always be the main priority. And being a mom is also about making sacrifices for the kids’ sake, no matter how passionate you are about something you really love. It’s about giving up a certain part of yourself to make sure that your kids and their needs will go first.
And now, I am a certified full time mom of two adorable kids. I make sure I attend to all their needs and I am at my happiest state every time I witness their milestones. Of course, there will be occasional tantrums and shouting and crying that gives me a headache but I will never exchange those with the feeling of happiness and fulfillment they give me. All the sacrifices I made are worth it.
Do I have regrets?
No. But I won’t deny the fact that I do miss school. It’s still my dream to be a lawyer but I guess it’s not really for me. I may come back but probably after a few years, when my kids are big enough. Maybe there are other plans, I really don’t know. But whatever it is, I wouldn’t exchange my two precious angels for anything. They are my life now 🙂